I never imagined that heartbreak could come more than once.
Kadang ujiannya datang dari luar, kadang perangnya justru melawan diri sendiri.
Ya ampun.

Sometimes, I really feel like I’ve failed so badly as a mother.
A mom who’s always supposed to be kind, patient, and calm, all the time.
But there were moments I felt so hopeless. When Mik had those sudden tantrums I just couldn’t handle with my cool, 

And, the guilt hit even harder afterward.

We ended up crying together.
Mik even said, “Mi, kita sama-sama lupain yang tadi yuk.”
Ya ampun, that broke me even more.

Kadang gumam sendiri juga. Wah rapuh juga ya aku. Wk-wk. Ada banyak hal ternyata di luar sana yang bikin kita frustrate.

Every time I fell, I thought, “Udah kali ya abis ini?”
But at the end of each fall, I started to see things more clearly:
Maybe it’s not the universe or other people who keep letting me down.
Maybe it’s me, placing expectations too high,
believing everyone revolves around the same center as I do.

Ya udah.
Maybe we’re all carrying wounds or traumas we haven’t healed from yet.

Here’s the plot twist: Lukanya juga di aku.

Umm. Let me tell you a little story.
Ada satu momen, sehari sebelum masuk IGD karena asam lambung.
Saat itu di mobil di perjalanan ke kantor, saya sadar sesuatu itu.
It slapped me so hard it felt like my organs were fighting each other,
my brain stopped syncing with my heart,
my acid shot up,
dan saya tetap milih “berisik”. 

Tau ga biar apa?
I wouldn’t have to hear my own thoughts.
I know, sounds ridiculous.

Ya udah.
That moment has passed.

It’s okay to be not okay, right?
Semuanya sementara, dan mari kita hadapi dengan minim drama.

Welcome, Jul.